I don’t know how this came up last night, (though I’d wager it had something to do with whiskey) but I still feel pretty strongly that it’s a topic that merits discussion. In the wake of WWII, America had experienced so much loss that a few things were bound to slip through the cracks, never to be grieved over by families or historians. But there’s one small loss, mostly unmourned, that we still have the power to reclaim. I’m talking, of course, about the toothbrush moustache, the bushy tuft of hair directly that sits directly beneath the nose. It’s also known as the Chaplin moustache, or The Tramp if you’re feeling nasty. And of course, it’s also known as the moustache worn by Hitler as he declared war on the world and carried out the most horrific genocides of the 20th century.

This once respected little tuft of facial hair, the moustache’s classy answer to the soul patch, has fallen drastically out of favor in the west. Of course, we have Hitler to thank for this, because now no one can sport this lean lip buddy without people comparing them to history’s greatest monster. In simple terms, folks, that ain’t right. Why should we all be denied the option of free choice in facial hair just because it was worn by a power mad mass murderer? It’s enough to ma you wonder just who really won WWII. Because until we, as a society, as a nation, take back the moustache that is rightfully ours, we haven’t really beaten the Nazis.

So I’m calling for a mass return to the Toothbrush Moustache. If anyone gives you a line about wearing a Hitler ‘stache, you just tell them that, actually, it was a Chaplin first, and then ask if they have any problem with one of Hollywood’s most gifted early filmmakers and comic actors. Almost no one does. Hitler took it from us, and damn it, it’s time for all Americans regardless of race, color, creed or political affiliation, to stand up and take back what’s theirs.

One the other side of the world, but remaining in the “Tyrannical Mass Murderers with Notable Facial Hair”, Josef Stalin has been moved from the most popular Russian in history to only the 12th, after an adjustment of the voting system by executives in charge of the poll, taken for the upcoming Russian history TV show “The Name of Russia”. Which is better, but the fact that I guy responsible for the mass extermination and starvation of countless civilians under his rule still makes your Twelve Best Historical Figures list still says something a bit disheartening for the state of contemporary Russia.

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