It’s not a good week to be something cute.

Emperor penguins look likely to go the way of so many flightless birds, from the moa (whose fossilized poo  is apparently absolutely fascinating) to the dodo. If the arctic ice shelves they depend on for breeding grounds continue disappearing at their current rate, it’s curtains for everyone’s favorite tuxedo marked, dutifully parenting menace to fish of all sorts by the end of the century. Within a few generations, the birds will be little more than a fond memory with a voice over by Morgan Freeman, and new evidence suggests that there’s sweet F.A. that we can do about it. 

Meanwhile, the human babies (which, despite popular belief, are not  in point of fact cute) just keep rolling on in. The latest set of little miracles to grab the spotlight is the veritable litter of octuplets born in California. Happily, the kids are healthy and breathing on their own. Unhappily, there are goddamn well eight of them. No word yet on whether the proud parents were using fertility drugs, but I’ll give you one guess what the answer is. Best of luck to the folks of these kids – raising me and one brother damn near killed my folks, I can only shudder in terror to think what eight simultaneous puberties will do to people made of even the sternest stuff.

And remember, kiddies, it’s never too early to start drawing straws for “who gets to go to college.” Let the race for the lettered blocks begin!