While researchers in Edinburgh continue diligently working towards crafting a line of human stem cells that don’t destroy anything that could maybe, possibly, conceivably, ‘probably not but you’re obviously really concerned about this so we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt,’ resemble life, the US is already light years ahead working to create a new race of super-babies who won’t need your pitiful stem cells – because they will have been made perfect in the womb

The LA Fertility Clinic will offer preimplantation genetic diagnosis services to prospective parents. It works like this – doctors at the clinic will create and test an array of embryos, letting parents select the ones likeliest to have the most desirable traits. Now instead of spending the next 18 years saddled with the responsibility of caring for whatever kid fickle fate deals you, the ultra rich can consult with clinic director Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg on just what kind of child they would like to have. Concerned parents can make sure their little bundle of joy matches their interior design by selecting for the child’s eye and hair color and complexion…sorta. 

While Steinberg doesn’t make any guarantees that his process will work 100% of the time, his critics are more concerned with the commoditization of children than they are with the accuracy of his claims, suggesting that, if the process isn’t perfect yet, the doc is at least on to something. Says Steinberg of the notion of manipulating the genetics  of the unborn

I would not say this is a dangerous road. It’s an uncharted road.

What he neglects to mention is that it’s also an awesome road, leading to a future full of genetically modified super children. Frankly, people who are worried about a world ruled by platinum blond, blue-eyed wunderkind are thinking too small. If you can select for hair color today, think what sort of advantages you’ll be able to confer on the next generation just a few years from now!

Kids with laser beam eyes! Children whose soft, fleshy human hands have been replaced by giant scorpion claws! Toddlers flying through the night sky on terrible, leathery bat wings! Your DNA tinkered child-mera could have gills, chitinous armor plates, or a prehensile tail – the sky’s the limit! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?