Something must be done about all this nature garbage. As the global economy crumbles, animals from all over the world have taken it as a sign of human weakness and decided that they can do whatever they want.

Last week, for example, saw one Mrs. Oonagh Nutt of Northern Ireland besieged by squirrels who are destroying her house. While the thought of someone being attacked by squirrels, especially someone named Nutt, should be hilarious, taken as part of a larger assault on humankind by our furrier kindred, the incident merely seems disturbing.

The latest front of the new war on mankind is the Australian outback, where wild camels are stealing water from isolated desert communities. And as if thieving ungulates plundering our our water supplies isn’t sufficiently disturbing, the fact that the animals are turning the water taps on by themselves would be enough to chill the blood of even the bravest reader.