O happy day, o joyous news! Souless crap rock powerhouse Oasis has finally burnt itself out in a sissy British catfight fueled champagne supernova! Lead guitarist and songwriter Noel Gallagher pulled the plug on the band, apparently realizing it may be the only way to redeem his immortal soul.

It’s too late for that, of course, but we’re all spared any more whining brit pop from the brothers Gallagher, which could buy Noel a couple thousand years of purgatory, depending on the going karmic rate.