Attention, Print Journalism: You are going out of business because you are fucking boring. Take, for example, the headline from the Financial Times regarding the trial of a nuclear researcher at Cern, home of the soon-to-be-turned-on-and-either-explain-everything-or-kill-us-all Large Hadron Collider.’Scientist at Cern appears before anti-terrorism judge‘ just doesn’t capture how really and truly bone chilling this story has every right to be. I mean sure, Adlene Hicheur wasn’t exactly designing nuclear death machines or anything. He was, by all accounts, just a run of the mill 32-year-old French particle physicist who wrote data analysis formulae for the world’s largest broken super collider and may or may not have wanted to make some places in France explode in rather dramatic fashion.

But really, this is a story ripped directly from the pages of todays comic books! A job for Nick Fury himself, and even the New York Times can’t do better than ‘Nuclear Scientist Under Terror Inquiry’ here?

At the risk of sounding like a sensationalist, I think ‘Al Qaeda Operative Infiltrates Black Hole Machine’ would have sold some fucking newspapers. But hell, what do I know?

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