‘Robots that stay in the kitchen making me a damned sandwich’ joined ‘my real hip’ and ‘the years of my life I spent raising you ungrateful kids back’ this week on the constantly expanding list of Things Old People Want.

You Think Youre Better Than Me? Youre Not Better Than Me.

You Think You're Better Than Me? You're Not Better Than Me.

A recent survey of Atlanta area residents found that all respondents, and especially older respondents, were more likely to be interested in a robot that would do housework for them rather than one that would try and interact to them. To which I respond: DUH! People want robots so it will essentially be legal to own slaves again, not so they can take shit about their exercise habits from the goddamn refrigerator. Did we really need a survey to tell us that all we want out of a robot is Rosie from the Jetsons without the attitude and abiding
sense of smug superiority.

The notion that the elderly are more inclined than the rest of us to want a robot that keeps it’s mouth shut is pretty unsurprising.  After all, despite advances in robot technology that stretch their life spans to grotesque parodies of humanity, they are still old, and they will still die before you and me. Which means they won’t be around to see the inevitable bloody robot coup that follows decades of silent, steely, relentless changing of bed pans.