Not to be confused with the Stanley Cup of Liberty or the Wrestlemania of Emancipation, the Super Bowl of Freedom is coming up. What exactly a bunch of right wing whack jobs from Virginia, their gonads bursting with the gubernatorial victory of a sociopath who views women in the workforce as iron clad proof of Satan’s work here on Earth, descending upon the nation’s capitolgnashing their teeth and shouting “SOCIALISM! SOCIALISM! THERE”S A COLORED IN THE WHITE HOUSE! SOMETHING ABOUT A HEALTH CARE PLAN I DON”T REALLY UNDERSTAND! MY TAXES! SOCIALISM!!!” at every elected official they turn their bloodshot eyes on has to do with the high holiday of professional sports in the US. Then again, if you’re practicing the politics of free association like Michelle Bachmann, you don’t really think about these comparisons before you make them – words just kind of come out of your mouth and then you punctuate them by shouting “Freedom!” Or you just howl, “Fly, my pretties!” and wingnut conservatives start shrieking and throwing feces everywhere, though that is ultimately a short ride from their natural state.

The title does tell us a couple of important things about the tenor of the event, though. It will be heavily hyped but probably not really that entertaining. It will steal the media spotlight for like a week despite actually meaning fuck all in the lives of most Americans. It will be heavily subsidized by corporate interests intent on getting their own message across. And, with perhaps the most potential for entertainment, a key player will be arrested or mysteriously disappear just before everything goes down. Anyone want to take bets on who? And speaking of bets, if it’s the Super Bowl, what’s the spread on a confused old woman striking Alan Grayson repeatedly with her purse?