While the Bold & Fresh Tour 2010 sounds like a harmless ad campaign for some spectacular detergent, it is actually something far more sinister – a meeting of the minds crafted of pure evil. When Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly take the stage together, it will be the like the Flintstones meet the Jetsons, except if every character in those beloved cartoons had a black heart wrought of cold iron that pumped nothing save venomous bile and existed only to perpetuate an infinite variety of sufferings on every human being on the planet.

As to who gets to be bold and who remains merely fresh in this pairing,we can only guess. Also a mystery is which two fine young gentlemen will play the parts of Beck and O’Reilly in the inevitable series of astonishingly deviant gay porn films (The Bod & Flesh Tour, 2010, 2011, Spring Break, etc.) that is sure to be the closest thing to a wholesome result of this tour.

And while it doesn’t seem like that much pure, conecntrated loathing for humanity in one place could possibly be a good idea, keep in mind one thing. Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck will be on a bus. Together. Several times. So join me, if you will, in a prayer to a departed hero – Ghost of Cliff Burton, we beseech thee to work thy dark ways. Never has you nation needed you more.