Rasmussen Reports is officially out of control. Today’s report on the holiday season shows that 66% of Americans celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, which is a total load of shit if we ever heard one. A more accurate statistic would probably be that “About 50% of Americans will lie to a stranger over the phone about their religiosity.” But Rasmussen is intent on getting the Christ back into Christmas, even if it means counting listening to Linus read from the book of Luke as a religious observance on par with midnight mass.

The report is full of other interesting tidbits, including the shocking fact that 52% of Americans find the holiday season “joyous,” meaning that only 48% of people want to scoop their eyes out with tablespoons. Also, 72% of Americans despise the phrase “Happy Holidays” and, by extension people who do not believe in our Lord God and are going to Hell.

But perhaps most intriguing is this nugget – among people who are celebrating Christmas,  81% believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God sent to earth to die for our sins and 72% say Jesus was born to a virgin. Which means that fully 9% of you folks can buy the whole son of God, magical absolution of sin thing, but can’t quite extend that suspension of disbelief to a virgin birth.

You bunch of godless heathens.