Jesus shit, The John Birch Society? Are they still, like, a thing? Seriously?

Apparently so. Someone turned over a rock and these troglodytes crawled out to sponsor the Conservative Political Action Conference. The group that was synonymous with “lunatic fringe, human hating, probably dangerous right-wing nutjobs” before the Tea Party movement sprung up is back, and they still do not much care for your socially liberal policies or basic human decency. Also, the Jews they can take or leave.

What will it take to send these morlocks back to their dimly lit underworld where they dine on poisonous fungus and immigrants are murdered and messily devoured by ravening packs of right-wing sub-humans? No one knows, though it does seem like good old fire would be a reasonable place to start.

Speaking of terrible things named John that you haven’t heard of in decades – John Stamos still exists. There is no reason you should know this, or would know it,except that Stamos is apparently making with the sexy hijinks. The people he made sexy hijinks with, though, want some money out of him, and are threatening to tell the whole world that John Stamos… is still alive, I guess?