Speaking as someone who has done it, I can say with some degree of authority that quitting smoking completely sucks. You’re on edge all the time, you snack constantly, you have nothing to do in the morning before you use the bathroom, and perhaps most galling, you have to work through an entire day without a series of ten minute breaks. Like a Normal.

This is why no one ever quit smoking because they wanted to. Instead, the main reason people quit smoking is Fear of Chronic Disease. Which is a perfectly reasonable fear, mind you, and thus a perfectly rational reason to quit smoking.

Unless quitting smoking also makes you significantly more susceptible to a DIFFERENT chronic disease.

As it turns out, this is exactly the case. According to a Johns Hopkins study recently released in The Annals of Internal Medicine, breaking the habit can raise a person’s chances of developing Type II Diabetes by up to a staggering 70%. The heightened risk is tied to the aforementioned snacking and weight gain often associated with giving up smoking.

The researchers point out that this weight loss, and the diabetes risk tied to it, can be tempered by seeking help from a doctor while quitting. But at this point, we have to ask ourselves – do we really want to live in a world where everyone is short-tempered, on a diet and under the constant supervision of a doctor?

I think we call all agree that this is a scenario in which the living would envy the dead.