Do you love basketball but hate and fear black people and also Canadians? Ever wish you could see a game of hoops with an emphasis on the real fundamentals of the game, like passing and racial segregation? Well, have no fear, bigot America – the All American Basketball League has arrived to save the game from the rampaging Negro hordes! When their season starts in June, you will once again be able to see basketball the way it was meant to be played – by white people, for white people. And not just any white people – American white people, the best kind of white people! “Here’s a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like,” says AABA organizer Don Lewis.

For those of you who have not watched much basketball because you are terrified of even seeing black people on your television, fundamentals = all the boring shit.