An earthquake struck (pretty much any place on the goddamn planet) today, killing (number) and leaving countless others without access to (basic supply or substance necessary to life) and trapped beneath tons of (synonym for rubble). Scientists attribute the quake to (fact about geology or thing God is angry with us for). Donations to victims can be sent to (url for website that is almost certainly a fraud).

Who is the planet furious at now? China, come on down!

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