How big of an American hero is Tedd Petruna? I’m glad you asked. He is such a big goddamned hero that he can save an entire plane full of people from terrorists…when he is not even on the plane.

Petruna was supposed to be on a flight that he didn’t quite make. When a commotion on the flight made the news, Tedd Petruna, who apparently doesn’t even know how to spell his fucking name correctly, sent his friends and family an email about how he and a couple other passengers had taken matters into their own hands and kicked a dozen muslims off the plane, thereby preventing them from DOING TERRORISM, which is the only reason a muslim has ever gotten on a plane anywhere.

He only neglected two things – first, airlines keep track of every passenger on board every plane – even the ones who are not terrorists. Which is how we know th Tedd Petruna was not, in point of fact, on this plane. Which would have only been an embarrassing thing for his friends and family to eventually find out, except for the second thing that Tedd Petruna forgot — forwarding email is really goddamn easy, and pretty much anything you put on the internet is a matter of public record.

Just ask Russell Wiseman, mayor of some bumfuck ville in Tennessee who sent out facebook notes bemoaning the mulsim president’s pre-emption of a Charlie Brown while also bitching about how this country has really gone to shit since we let people who don’t even own property vote and then acted all surprised when it turned out that the internet knows what you say on Facebook, which means Wiseman is not just a total fucking idiot… he is also a total fucking idiot.

Similarly, Tedd Petruna apparently had no idea what the little ‘Forward’ button in most email programs does. Now, we can assume, he knows.

Full letter after the break, which is totally priceless.

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