Tournament of Hearts

Look, I know that the global economy is tough, and when things get this hairy, some people are naturally going to turn to crime. But seriously, who the hell steals a truckload of curling stones? Is there a big market for smooth granite rocks of a regulation weight out there that I don’t know about?

Honestly, I kind of hope there is, because otherwise whoever stole fully one third of the Australian national teams curling stone is just a jerk and an idiot. Or a… rabid anti-curling fanatic? An embittered former sweeper?

But as stupid and spiteful the dumbest criminal in Australia this week – that dubious honor goes to Ronald Mitchell, the Nobel Prize hopeful who soaked himself in gasoline before charging at police, who proceeded to taser the suspect, thereby setting him ablaze. Which, all things considered, isn’t exactly a tragedy. I mean yeah, it sucks that the guy burst into flames, but in all of our lives, we make some choices that we know may get us set on fire. Huffing a bunch of gas, then pouring it over yourself, and then running at a cop with a lighter in your hand is one of those choices. C’est la vie.

 

Something Shocking

A few days ago, I was discussing the tasering of a Texas grandmother with a few of my friends when somehow, the idea of police having to shout “Taser! Taser!” while disabling a suspect with the device was floated. It seemed like an entertaining notion, but the sort of thing that’s not exactly regulation.

Prove me wrong, police force of Nottingham, England. Prove me wrong.

Now, we don’t know the whole story here, and there’s every chance this guy may have needed to be disabled. For all we know, he may have been stealing from the rich to give to the poor, and you know how that pisses off law enforcement in Nottingham. And while there is a chance the suspect was concealing a long bow on his person, by the time this video starts, he’s obviously in no shape to use it.

But I would like to thank the officers featured here – especially the star of the show, who gets his partners to stop beating the suspect for a moment, only to taser him again, shouting “Taser! Taser! Taser!” –  for proving that the United States doesn’t have a monopoly on unnecessary, testosterone induced acts of violence by police officers. The UK can stand tall on that front – at least until someone repeatedly tasers them.