Wondering what the Library of Congress has been getting up to recently? The answer is as follows: Very Important Things! Like making sure everything everyone ever puts on Twitter will be archived for posterity, guaranteeing that the philosophical musings of Russian spambots and records of where you ate lunch yesterday will be forever preserved for the edification of future generations.

Next up to be archived in the hallowed halls of America’s most storied library, the notes you passed in 8th grade math class and every dirty limerick anyone has ever written on a bathroom wall.

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New from Twitter – the thoughts of your dog! Have you ever wondered what your dog is up to while you’re gone? Don’t you wish you had a live feed detailing the mundane aspects of Rover’s day? Now you can have one, thanks to Mattel’s Puppy Tweets, which updates a Twitter account for your dog.

Sure, it sounds a little silly. But before you write off the idea, just remember – your dogs tweet of “Wishing I could work the remote control and licking my balls. #balls” is at least as worthwhile and socially relevant as anything that ever oozed off the Twitter feed of Joe Lieberman.

Oh, sweet God, I am in trouble.

Talking Points Memo has set up Twitter rooms, collecting all the Twitter feeds of elected representatives and political insiders on both sides of the aisle in one easy to find, constantly updating place. So now I don’t have to jump all over, constantly updating the feeds of different politicians to keep up with their antics.

I very well may never sleep again.

It’s time for a new round of America’s favorite game, Republicans Go Nuts On Twitter! Those of you playing along at home know that it’s just eight short days until Sarah Palin is freed from the shackles of governing and released onto a dismally unprepared populace. And according to her Twitter feed (thanks Wonkette), the Sarah Barracuda is about to take the gloves off and stop being so “politically correct.” That’s right, folks, everything we feared is true – Sarah Palin has been holding back so far. She’s not as crazy as we thought.

She is much, much crazier.

And it would appear that she’s about to stop being polite… and start getting real.

An Oklahoma man is in police custody after making posts to his Twitter account that are even less intelligible than standard tweets.

Daniel Hayden, aka Citizen Quasar was arrested after trying to make way too big of a deal of the April 15th Teabagging protests, attempting to incite fellow Oklahomans to violent rebellion against the government and the New World Order. Most of the material in question was posted on the evening of April 11th, when Hayden, who may have had a few too many, transitioned almost seamlessly from posting Alice Cooper videos and misattributing Conan quotes to full blown dangerous whack jobbery,  like this

START THE KILLING NOW! I am wiling to be the FIRST DEATH! I Await the police. They will kill me in my home.

Luckily, the police didn’t have to go quite that far, arresting Hayden later that week. So, for those of you playing along at home, here is the current list of things not to do on Twitter:

1) engage in name calling with fellow professionals

2)threaten to decapitate people on the steps of a state capitol building

That is all.

But hey, credit where credit is due – Hayden didn’t actually hurt anyone. That’s more than can be said for way too many people recently, and with the economy finally seeming to settle to the bottom, the recent and tragic string of familicides is probably going to get worse before it gets better.