Imagine if you knew you were going to have a party for the 2012 presidential elections here in the United States. If you started planning for that party today, then by the time the election actually rolled around, you would be hosting the most badass party in the history of time. You would have all sorts of booze and drugs and party favors. Every person you know would have their schedule cleared for the party, and you would have a full three years of building anticipation behind it. And no matter what the result of the election was, you could be sure of one thing – your party would be totally out of control.

Well, that’s exactly what Kenyans, who don’t have another presidential election until 2012, are doing right now, except instead of planning a party, they are planning a riot. And no matter what happens politically, we can be sure of one thing – with months of planning, resource gathering and anticipation to go, Kenya is T-minus three years away from the Most Batshit Insane Riot Ever.

Oh, shit! Mad Prophet of the House of Representatves Michelle Bachmann is ontoPresident Obama’s secret EVIL socialist plot to put every American on an EVIL COMMUNIST DIET consisting only of stale bread, poisoned water and hate. 

Now America’s favorite one woman liberal blog post machine is spreading damnable lies about how the machine like bureaucratic government will control what we eat and how many calories we consume in a day, conjuring specters of bread lines and rationing that terrify her constitents in Minnesota, which during the winter already pretty well resembles the Russian tundra. It also instills completely reasonable fear in the heart of every American who understands that being able to cram deep fried tacos down your gullet at will underpins every one of our constitutional rights

Of course, Bachmann’s fears are ridiculous. While food will be rationed under the coming Socialist Dystopia of America, these rations will be plentiful, and everyone will be able to eat their fill once all of our grandparents and down syndrome babies and Kanye West have been rounded up and processed  into a thick, nutritive paste.

Census fearing, Hawaii hating Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann doesn’t think your grandparents deserve health care.

Bachmann, who’s still waiting on God to tell her to run for president in 2012, was on ‘The Hannity’ the other night, and amid  her usual stream of bat shit crazy nonsense was the following little gem:

“[I]t is not within our power as members of Congress, it’s not within the enumerated powers of the Constitution for us to design and create a national takeover of health care. Nor is it within our ability to be able to delegate that responsibility to the executive.”

Let’s put aside for a moment the fact that Bachmann is completely up her ass on this statement, since the Constitution charges Congress in the Preamble to “promote the general welfare” of the nation.

Bachmann’s statement implies that any sort of government funded or mandated health care is fundamentally illegal and should be abolished. Which means, of course, that Medicare should be done away with right now, and all of those seniors who depend on it for their health care should be thrown out in the street to die.

Patriotically, of course.

An interesting poll you can check out here on TPM shows that the biggest Democratic health care proposals is not what is in them, but an ongoing campaign of disinformation against them.

So this is the point where I’m supposed to rail against the big, bad Republicans for being lying liars and and using scare tactics and political bogeymen and bullying and shouting down opposition. But here’s the thing: of course they did! This is American politics – no holds are barred, and every ludicrous lie you can make up is fair game if people will buy into it. And when you’re dealing with a system in which 39% of people in one poll think the government needs to stay out of MEDICARE, it is not, in point of fact, all that difficult to fool some of the people all of the time.

If health care reform goes down in flames because Dems and progressives were unprepared or unwilling to push back against it, then frankly, we’ve got no one to blame for that but ourselves. If your opponent is making something into a shouting match, and you keep talking softly, then yeah, you might be the more mature person and have the better points – but if no one hears what you’re saying, then you have lost that argument in a public sphere. Passing any sort of meaningful health care reform at this point – even if a bi-partisan bill is as dead as disco, which seems to be the sentiment coming from the white house today – is going to be a fight. And the left can either gear up to win it, or keep playing Mr. Nice Guy and end up swallowing their teeth.

Is that a pleasant notion? No. But it’s the reality of the situation, and progressives better get used to the idea that they can’t stay out of the muck forever if that’s the only place that anti-reform advocates are willing to fight.

Hey, everybody, remember when you were proud to be an American citizen? Kinda, a little, I mean? Yeah, those were nice times, weren’t they?

Now think back to those times. Hold on to that thought. And click this link to Think Progress to watch an anti-health care reform protester shout “Heil Hitler!” at a Jewish immigrant  who is comparing the Israeli and American health care systems. And watch all those fond memories of your former patriotism go up in smoke

This Classy Lassy then goes on to compare Obama to Hitler and tell the Jewish fellow she just screamed  anti-semitic epithets at that he should be the most scared of Obama. Because as history teaches us, the Holocaust began with health care reform. And then she finishes with the ‘Reasoned, Respectful Exchange of Ideas’ version of a 10.0 dismount – making crying baby noises as the guy complains that a 2 hour stay in an American ER cost him $8,000. Because, you know, up until that point the level of discourse was just a bit too high-falutin’.

Did I miss a fucking memo, guys? Is this really what we’ve come to? Conspicuously displaying our handguns at rallies and shouting “Heil Hitler” because it’s easier than debating a point? Is this really the best we can do as a nation?  Do we not aspire to be better than this? Do we not have more respect for each other than this?

Are we, in short, really this bad?

Maybe we are. I mean, frankly, we’re at the point where this disappoints me horribly, but it doesn’t actually surprise me much.Frankly, I kind of assume this shrill, bigoted bitch from Hell is going to have a speaking engagement opening up for Joe The fucking Plumber in six months.

Maybe this is just who we are now. And maybe we deserve whatever the hell we get.

A memo to the guy who brought one handgun to a health care reform rally in Connecticut last week:

You are a fucking sissy.

Now people in Arizona? These are people who know how to brandish a weapon in public, gawd-demmit. After all, if you don’t have your shooting iron on you at all times, how the hell are you supposed to protect yourself from the rattlesnakes and cattle rustlers who plague The Copper State? With this in mind, it’s a bit more understandable that the people of Arizona would feel uncomfortable going to see the President, who we can only assume rode into town on a coal driven steam train, unarmed. They live in a state where, without a six gun, you are not even able to safely go into town to pick up rock candy for the little ones and a bolt of gingham for the wife. And now the President is trying to kill their Grandma.

I’m saying, I get it, Arizona. You live someplace where it is too hot all the goddamn time, and you have an insane person for a sheriff, and your mail still arrives by Pony Express and men in black Stetson hats menace the populace. It is completely understandable that you would become irrational and edgy and look like a bunch of gun wielding lunatics to the rest of the nation. But it’s just because you are a bunch of gun wielding lunatics – that’s not your fault.

So rather than rail against what you are doing, I will make one simple plea; holster your weapons, Arizona. You are making the rest of us exceedingly fucking nervous with those things. It is too goddamn hot for you to be thinking straight, and somebody is going to get hurt.

Ron Paul’s son, Rand (as in Ayn) wants to be the next US senator from Kentucky. Unsurprisingly, Ron Paul supporters are already lining up around the block to shower Rand, who is just scraping by on a doctors salary, with monetary support for his campaign. And rest assured, his supporters hard earned money will go towards funding those notoriously expensive Kentucky media buys and help enact one of the pillars of Rands campaign, “putting the C back in Conservative.”

And lest you think Rand is simply hoping to ride his popular papas coattails, perish the thought. After all, the fact that his first “money bomb” online fundraiser is schedule to coincide with his Dad’s birthday later this month is a total coincidence. As is the fact that he would like a blimp, just like the one his Dad had.

But unlike his Dad, if there’s any cash left over from the blimp, Rand plans to spend it on an armored sports car from which he can battle crime and liberals.