Eric Holder Hearts Terrorism

Attorney General Eric Holder got a little testy with a House panel yesterday when it was suggested that his Justice Department, which is devoted to the crippling of America and freedom in general would mirandize Osama bin Laden upon capturing him. Holder pointed out that this is a silly notion, as we are going to straight cap that motherfucker if we ever find him. But after we gun him down, blow him up or shoot him into the sun, we will mirandize his corpse, apparently.

Now, I’m not Attorney General or anything, so far be it for me to lecture anyone on the finer points of that august position, but I’m pretty sure if a dude is already a corpse, then you don’t actually have to mirandize him. This just goes to show how much Eric Holder wants to gay marry terrorism – he thinks all terrorists should have legal rights and due process, even the dead ones. Pretty soon he will go back in time to make sure Benedict Arnold knows he is entitled to the services of some wishy washy ACLU lawyer, thus retroactively losing us every war EVER including the one on terror, which isn’t really so much a war as a complicated series of security measures and countermeasures involving but not limited to diplomatic action, retooling foreign policy and distribution of economic aid worldwide, strategic application of military force… Ah, you know what, fuck it. USA USA USA ! We’re Number One!

 

Laughter and Forgetting

So, Rudy Giuliani was on America’s number one A.M. source for Real Serious Journalism and Weight Loss Tips, Good Morning America, today. Here’s something odd – apparently, he doesn’t remember any terrorist attacks on U.S. soil occurring during the Bush administration, back when this country was strong and mighty and would have declared war on Yemen if it so much as looked at us cockeyed.
And surely, if some major terrorist attack had happened while Bush was in office, Rudy Giuliani would remember it, right?
So it’s settled – NOTHING HAPPENED. Moving on, why does Obama love the terrror so much?

 

Calling One Eye Eagle

Attention, Print Journalism: You are going out of business because you are fucking boring. Take, for example, the headline from the Financial Times regarding the trial of a nuclear researcher at Cern, home of the soon-to-be-turned-on-and-either-explain-everything-or-kill-us-all Large Hadron Collider.’Scientist at Cern appears before anti-terrorism judge‘ just doesn’t capture how really and truly bone chilling this story has every right to be. I mean sure, Adlene Hicheur wasn’t exactly designing nuclear death machines or anything. He was, by all accounts, just a run of the mill 32-year-old French particle physicist who wrote data analysis formulae for the world’s largest broken super collider and may or may not have wanted to make some places in France explode in rather dramatic fashion.

But really, this is a story ripped directly from the pages of todays comic books! A job for Nick Fury himself, and even the New York Times can’t do better than ‘Nuclear Scientist Under Terror Inquiry’ here?

At the risk of sounding like a sensationalist, I think ‘Al Qaeda Operative Infiltrates Black Hole Machine’ would have sold some fucking newspapers. But hell, what do I know?