Dear Justice John Paul Stevens,

Thank you very much for holding out for probably about eight more years than you actually wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice. Your refusal to retire, or for that matter die, during the Bush administration, a pair of options that so many of us considered without nearly as good reasons as you had during those dark times, is a beacon to us all.

Though being a Cubs fan probably helped to prepare you for a decade of senseless disappointment and near-constant sorrow, staying on the Court until you are damned near 90 so that your replacement by an arch conservative will not drastically unbalance the bench and the nation for a generation to come is conduct above and beyond the call of duty, and your nation owes you a debt of gratitude.

Now you go enjoy the fuck out of your retirement, good sir. God knows you’ve earned it.

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Good fucking grief. The Supreme Court this morning came down 5-4 in declaring a key provision of McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform law unconstitutional. The implications of this decision are almost impossible to understate – corporations and unions can now spend as much money as God has at any time during an election cycle to say pretty much anything they please, whether it’s factual or not. This is exactly what the framers of the Constitution had in mind when they wrote the First Amendment!

Check out SCOTUSBlog for  the full opinion, headline roundup, and probably a list of reasons you should just give the hell up and move to Canada already.

In other dumb ass Supreme Court news that will make you want to hurt things but maybe not as much as the first thing, carp may go anywhere they please, because limiting their movement would be like shitting down the throat of freedom.